Honestly, if you feel the need to go around saying things like:
“Shiver me timbers”
“No, really, I DO have a girlfriend. It’s just that she lives in Canada and you’ve been out of town when she visits and, yes, she does look a lot like the model in the picture that came with my wallet.”
You’re not a real pirate. You need to grow up, get a real job and, perhaps, a life.
That said, here’s a cute picture (thanks, Hugh!):
The “Yarrrr-mot.” Like a Marmot, but more swashbuckling.