Okay, by now we’ve all had this message beaten into our brains: A lot of women have self-image issues. But the folks at Ogilvy Brazil finally figured out a brilliant way to prove it: Hire a criminal sketch artist to first draw women as they describe themselves, then as other women describe them. The differences are astounding.

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Lots of MortarPR client chatter going on. Westport, miraDry…in some decidedly different types of media.
Let’s round it up Mortarblog! Gameshow! Style!

We’re used to clients having questions. But we’ve never had a client actually BE a question. Until now. Last week, Mortar client miraDry was featured as a question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? (EDITOR’S NOTE  –  Whoa, “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” is still on? Do people still want to be a millionaire? That doesn’t even get us out of the 99% does it? Wouldn’t we still have to watch gameshows with the commoners? Sigh.) Ahem.  What were we saying? Ah, yes. Ordinarily this would be the part where we tell you who miraDry is and what they do, but let’s see if you can figure it out:

Leave your answer in the comments, and we’ll tell you if you’re smarter than Zany Hat Lady here. (She passed on the question.) Something tells us you are.

MEANWHILE, IN BURBANK…

THIS! IS! JEOPARDY!

ALEX TREBEK:
“The category is “Cities That Rhyme With Blue-ston.”  Natural gas engine innovator
Westport was mentioned in the Chronicle – this Texas city’s daily paper. French Stewart?”

FRENCH STEWART:
“The answer, of course, is “onions.” “

ALEX TREBEK:
“What? No! Burt Reynolds?”

BURT REYNOLDS:
“Yeah, whaddaya want?”

ALEX TREBEK:
“Never mind. The correct answer is “Houston.” The Houston Chronicle. You have control of the board.”

BURT REYNOLDS:
“Gimme “The Rain In Spain” for $8,000.”

ALEX TREBEK:
“Good Lord, man! That category is “Train Travel,” and for $400, the question is: “Westport is putting
natural gas-powered trains on the rails according to this City By The Bay’s newspaper.  Mr. Connery.”

SEAN CONNERY:
“Moo.”

ALEX TREBEK:
“That is incorrect. “Moo” is not a city. The correct answer is “San Francisco.” The San Francisco Chronicle.
There were other media mentions of Westport’s role in this groundbreaking new energy movement, but you three are idiots. I hate my life.”

SEAN CONNERY:
“I’ll take “The Pen is Mightier,” Trebek.”

ALEX TREBEK:
“Oh no you won’t.”

Aaaaand that’s all the time we have for now.
If you need a story picked up, get ahold of MortarPR’s Allyson Stinchfield. She’ll put you right out there where everyone can see you.
As for the rest of you?

Here’s a big Dating Game smooch. We’ll see you next time.

 

Allyson Stinchfield’s wardrobe courtesy of Botany 500.

 

Mortar wants a superstar media relations generalist to join our team. Someone with the enthusiasm of Mary Katherine Gallagher, but preferably without the proclivity for armpit-sniffing.

We’ve got heaps of stories and upcoming launches that we need support on. Our clients are fun, diverse, and cover multiple markets.

You, we hope, have at least 4-6 years experience pitching the heck out of stories, with a spectacular track record of securing and earning media coverage. You love to work with the media and make stories happen.

To start, this will be contract work. It could turn into longer term, but we’ll only need you 10-20 hours a week needed to start.

If this is you, email allyson@mortaragency.com with your resume, rate, and availability.

We’re longtime supporters of balls. But there’s one breed of ball in particular that inspires us like no other. If you don’t know what Buckyballs are, you may not even want to find out. These Rare Earth magnets attract and repel each other with a seemingly supernatural force, which makes them more addictive than bubble wrap and Bejeweled combined.

Buckyballs come with a big fat warning saying they’re not appropriate for children. But thanks to a couple bright kids who decided it’d be a good idea to swallow them anyway, the Consumer Product & Safety Commission is now avidly fighting to get these heaven-sent balls banned for good.

What does this say about our country? That we’re a valiant, vigilant people, dedicated to protecting our vulnerable youth? No. It reveals that we’re much too eager to latch on to the next cause for fear, without stopping to question whether that fear is rational or not. A mere 22 children have been injured from Buckyballs, out of 2.2 million Buckyball sets sold. As the Huffington Post astutely points out, dog bites, tennis, and household chemicals are all significantly more dangerous than our beloved magnetic balls. What’s next, banning tennis balls from every American home? Before we know it, we’ll be completely ball-less, in every sense of the word.

We mustn’t give in to the irrational demands of a mindless few. If we all did that, we’d find ourselves trapped in a world full of moronic ads like this one:

…instead of smart ads like this one:

http://youtu.be/STrrBF_ID8A

And that’s a scary thought.

Thankfully, Buckyballs is nowhere close to backing down. We’re pleased to see that they’ve cleverly used PR to make balls a national topic of conversation. They’ve garnered visible support, from Congress to Fox News.

Parents, we know you’re scared. But instead of trying to keep adult toys out of adult hands, why not be adult enough to keep your kids away from them in the first place? So that the rest of us may enjoy rare beauty like this.

 

Untitled #4, by Alexa Leung, Account Coordinator at Mortar. Of course it’s work-related. We’re a “creative agency.”