Remember that one time with the woodchuck and the creme de menthe and the explosions and then the cops came? It was fun. It was more than fun, it was legendary. For the next 18 months you were “Woodchuck Girl,” or “Blasty McCrazypants” or just “That dude? He’s insane.”

Good times. But they were also messy times. And dangerous. And quite possibly illegal. Why are we talking about this? Doesn’t this violate the terms of the plea bargain? It might. But we have a point, and it is this:

You say you want “to do a viral.”

We say: “Sure. But it’s messy. And dangerous. And it’s going to give your brand manager the agita.”

This Los Angeles Times article on Jack in the Box’s latest extravaganza says it perfectly:

Are you ready for that? For reals? Read the article. See how it’s done…and how it’s not. Then tell us you want to do a viral. Operators are standing by.

And just for the fun of it, let’s brainstorm:

What do we always say here at the Mortarblog? (Besides a lot of stuff about bacon.)
We say – The Kids, They Will Mess With Your Brand.

So here, what we see is – San Francisco's Pizzeria Delfina taking negative Yelp! reviews…and turning them into employee t-shirts. Could this be a case of: Your Brand, It Will Mess With The Kids?

We think it could.

First, let us say, we love this. There is nothing like a willingness to laugh at oneself that endears us more to a brand. Self-deprecating humor absolutely oozes confidence. And what are consumers screaming for these days? (Again, besides bacon.)  Confidence.

Some illuminating comments:

But our story doesn't end there.
While browsing the comments section of another post about the post about the shirt about the post, we noticed a meme taking root,  – The "Yelp! Is Shaking Us Down" Conspiracy Theory.  It's as old as paid advertising – If You Don't Buy An Ad, We Can't Be Responsible For What Happens Next.

It gets even better when another commenter thinks.."Hey…you know what Yelp! ought to do?" 
Yes. Yes we do.

But wait! What's this? Somehow, the story gets even better when the Reverse Conspiracy Theory appears:

Did we just blow your mind?
Or are you more like this guy?

Can we get an "amen?" Also a large salcicca?

When we heard GM had decided to turn the storied Pontiac name into “a “focused brand” with fewer models,” it really ground our gears. How on earth do you kill a brand that brought us cars like this?

Or this?

Oh. By making cars like this:

Now, we quite agree that GM needs to trim some fat. Probably, they should just focus on Cadillac and Chevy. Yet they’ve decided to get rid of Saturn – the only decent American cars of the last 15 years – and keep Buick? Why? So the rest of us can know not to get stuck behind one? What do we think of when we see a Buick? How about: “Hang On A Second, I Gotta Pass Grandma.”

But the plot thickens:  From the 1954 Willys we drove in high school to the random  Merkurs, MGBs and Studebakers we see on the road today, enthusiasts keep the brands they’re passionate about in a sort of otherworldly automotive limbo. Neither dead nor alive, these zombie car brands never really die, no matter how hard their creators try to kill them. (We’re looking at you, Zombie Oldsmobile.) Kinda curious, no?

Anyway, here’s hoping Pontiac gets its mojo back – it shouldn’t be so easy to kill brands people write songs about.

Did you notice we got through that entire post without making a “braaaaaaaains” joke? Probably because we’re talking about GM.

It’s a rhyming Mortarblog

all about Trader Joe’s

The place that sells cookies

on which we overdose.

Believe in yourself

and then work like a dog.

And maybe one day
your brand’ll make the Mortarblog.

Nothing rhymes with Boing-Boing, even with an alluring bossa-nova beat.
But thanks for the tip.