Should you have chanced by the Mortar in the past few months, you might’ve heard the thrilling sound of mighty jackhammers pounding away across the street. Take it from us, nothing is conducive to a productive work day like the dulcet song of a couple of jackhammers echoing through the brick canyon of Kearny Street.

Those jackhammers belong to the construction of this ediface.

Thanks to SFist for pointing out what is maybe the world (or just San Francisco)’s worst promotional video. Enjoy it here if you dare, but you might want to take some anti-nausea medication first. Or a belt of whiskey. Or both.

OK, so perhaps we were feeling a mite cocky yesterday.

Maybe we had a bit of fun at our friends’ expense.

But today, we learned via the BBC (highly superior to any newsgathering organizations over here,) that the British Army apparently has highly-trained cadres of Honey Badgers at their command.

As you can see from the picture above, the Honey Badger is anything but sweet. It’s a compact ball of razor-toothed fury, able to rip through flesh and bone the way most of us would go through, say, a box of chocolate-covered bacon. In fact, several African tribes report that the honey badger has a nasty habit of attacking "the scrotum of larger mammals if provoked and has even castrated humans."

Eep.

Just a bit of kidding there, eh, Guv’nor? Jolly good laugh, eh, wot?   
Hello? Hello?

Hmmm. In an even more ominous development, the British apparently have a long tradition of Badger-Based Warfare.

HOMER: "Dear Lord, as I think of You dressed in white with Your splendid beard, I am reminded of Colonel Sanders, who is now seated at Your right hand, shovelling popcorn chicken into Thy mouth.  Lord, could You come up with a delicious new taste treat like he did?  I command You."

Apparently, the good Lord has heard Homer’s prayers, as well as our own. Gentle readers, I give you the apex of epicurean advancement: Chocolate Freaking Bacon.  

Gaze upon it and bathe in the warm, bacon-scented chocolatey light of its existence.

"Are The English Really Better?"

Methinks we have the answer to that question. Methinks we do indeed.
Call us when you invent something, you know, good, Ringo.

Thanks as always to the loyal American patriots at Freakgirl for the tip.

A look at British chocolate and how it relates to advertising at Mortar

Mortar’s very own Mark Williams, another version of the British “Smartie” is much like the iconic British candy bar company, Cadbury-Schweppes—a strong seller, specially formulated, rarefied and maybe even made from a “better batter.” 

The NY Times just compared British chocolate to our beloved American Hershey.  Next, they’ll be knocking down Mortar’s door for interview with our popular Brit – he may not know chocolate, but he sure knows advertising.