JC Penny’s DorkDodge is supposed to promote their new dorm-centric line via 1992-style pixelated RPG. I’ll admit it has some retro charm and actually kept me sort of entertained, but I have a few qualms:
1) The entire premise of the game. You’re a college girl trying to meet up with your Christian Slater-lookin date, who is slowly losing interest outside your dorm. On the way outside, various college boys try to hit on you, and if you even vaguely engage them, they follow you unless you bug your girlfriend for a product-oriented solution. If you somehow fail to make it outside in time, your date ditches you. You have six minutes. It took me 40 seconds.
2) Are college girls seriously this lame? ….actually, nevermind. I vaguely remember when I was a college girl, um, two months ago.
3) How do I know Jason is any better than all the other guys who are totally into me? Maybe they’re not that bad. I mean, they followed me all the way outside. That’s more than Jason would ever do for me. I don’t even think he likes me that much. I mean he wouldn’t even wait six minutes for me! WTF?
4) Who can even afford college anymore anyway?
5) The acting. You just have to play it yourself to understand.
6) It encourages college girls to be even lamer than they already are by letting them think a) that knowing how to impress a diverse range of people will only result in them obsessively stalking you, b) that the only guys who are worth it are impatient, Christian-Slater lookin jerkholes, and c) that you should always take the advice of obnoxious baret-wearing French chicks. Not to mention every character is a blatant, shallow stereotype. Including yourself, if you maintain a winning strategy.
But you know what, I played it, and at least it took up an hour of my time by giving me something to blog/complain about. That would be one hour, forty seconds total.
And they did get me to link it – even suggest that you play it.
So… kudos to the team that made this, and sorry the original post was kinda mean. Maybe I’m just jealous because I never had a hot date with an impatient Christian Slater-lookin jerkhole in college. And he never brought me flowers, either. Jerk.