Happy Holidays from Mortar:
Did you ever see Rocky III?
Remember when Mr. T's character, Clubber Lang, is training to take down the champ? In a classic 1980's Sports Montage we see the glitz and glamour of Rocky's 5-star hotel "training regimen" juxtaposed against Clubber doing pull-ups in an abandoned building; his bleeding hands gripping exposed rebar.
When we see this year's crop of Agency Holiday Cards, we pity the fools.
We look at those overfed, pampered agencies, and we say: "You tell Balboa I'm comin' for him!"
See, like Clubber, Mortar comes from the streets. And like Clubber, we'll whup any fool tries to take away what we got. So there will be no high-budget holiday extravaganzas from us. No Mad Men homages. No singing pickles. Just a simple Mortar Recession Kit. It doesn't have fancy production values, or spa memberships. Just the things people like us need to survive times like these: Liquor, fire, and a spork.
MORTAR PUTS THE "MR. T" IN "CHARITY."
Let us return to our reading of The Book of Clubber, which tells us: "My prediction? Pain." As usual, he's right. It's rougher than ever out there, folks. So pick up a Mortar Recession Kit of your very own on eBay right here. It's for a good cause.