Visit the Beliefs section of MortarAgency.com, and you’ll find the aphorism: “People aren’t stupid. Ads are.” Apparently, Pinnacle Foods is spending $30 million to prove our point. They’re rolling out a radio campaign that asks you to “Imagine you’re a bagel. Wouldn’t you rather be a Lender’s bagel?”
OK, we’re imagining. And we’re thinking:  “Would we rather be something fresh and authentic? Or would we rather be some weird Frankenfood with a consistency alarmingly like a racquetball?”
While we have to admit, it probably would be cool to be a Frankenfood…”Bagel mad! Bagel SMASH!” we don’t think most people will agree.
They’ll hear, “Wouldn’t you rather be a Lender’s bagel?” and say, “Um, no.”
If you ask us, there is a place in the world for Lender’s. They’re convenient. They don’t go stale very fast. They’re easier to fit into a toaster. They taste the same, every single time. That’s comforting, in a really weird way. There’s an idea right there: “Comforting, in a really weird way.” Pinnacle, call us, stat. As for the rest of you, let this be a lesson: People look for a reason not just to debunk your ad, but to disembowel it and dance the cha-cha on its sorry, shallow grave.

Your only defense is the truth. We recommend telling it.