Good Day, Sir or Madam. We represent the Mortar Advertising Agency, of San Francisco, California, U.S.A. Are you experiencing the shame and pain of inferior advertising? Do your competitors kick sand in your face? Why not gamble a click and let Mortar turn your brand from “chump” into “champ”? Yes, ladies, Mortar now has Powerful Scrubbing Action. It’s lemony-fresh. It’s got a smooth taste that goes down easy and works every time. Especially when you’re having more than one. So come on up to Flavor Country. When you take the ’07 Mortar out on the highway, you’ll feel the power of her 100% American-made Dyna-Glide transmission and wonder, “How many licks does it take to get to the center?” But we won’t tell you, because it’s an Ancient Chinese Secret. A secret strong enough for a man. A man who brings home the bacon. Fries it up in a pan. And takes that delicious pan-fried bacon out for a night on the town it will never forget. Because it’s morning in America, folks. And out there, somewhere, is a man with a pocket full of bacon. He’s fallen, and he can’t get up. Sorry, Charlie – you’re soaking in it. Because when it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight, we wear short-shorts.
Now, more than ever.