As if we didn’t have enough to be snarky about, today we notice Ford Motor Company crowing over the “re-release” of the Taurus. Over the years, Ford has rolled out some big names: “Thunderbird.” “Falcon.” “Galaxie 500.” “Ranchero.” “Mustang.” Hell, even the “Country Squire” brings a smile to the faces of people of a “certain age.” (Quit laughing. Don’t make us come back there, we will turn this car right around.)
Now. Raise your hands if you’re overcome with a wave of nostalgia for the “Taurus.” We didn’t think so. The breadbox-looking denizen of municipal motor pools and downmarket rental agencies everywhere has never inspired anyone outside the Ford boardroom to do anything…except keep driving to the Toyota dealership.
We’re not surprised that Ford is claiming this move is part of their “New Way Forward,” but what really makes us throw up in our mouths is the Detroit Free Press’ fawning coverage of the subject:
“…On Jan. 24, (Ford CEO) Mulally told the Free Press that he was considering reviving the name.
"We’ve thought about that," he said. "The Taurus brand, everybody has such fond feelings for it."
…Reviving the Taurus name is a small correction, but it shows Ford customers, dealers and employees that the captain is awake at the wheel.”
Um, excuse us, but exactly how does this “bold move” show that the “captain is awake at the wheel?” Wheel of what? The Titanic?
The only time we’ve ever had “fond feelings” for a Taurus is when we were able to get it back to the rental agency before any of our friends saw us driving the craptacular conveyance.
Now, to be fair, the article goes on to say that “The original 1986 Taurus saved Ford from failure.” This may be true, as 1986 wasn’t exactly 1968 in terms of inspired auto design – and the Taurus was a very affordable 4-door. We are also sympathetic to the Free Press’ desire to rescue Ford from failure. But cheerleading doesn’t help a dumbass corporation like Ford. It only enables their dumbassery.
You want to make a bold move, Ford? Adopt CAFÉ’ standards. Pioneer cellulosic ethanol vehicles. And quit listening to yes-people. You guys need better products. Not a lot of bull.