FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Five vagrant zombies were sighted last Friday around 3:15 p.m. on Maiden Lane, near San Francisco’s Union Square. An eyewitness named Phil (the bartender at Otis) reported hearing a series of bone-chilling screams, immediately followed by Mortar employees bolting out of the building like their lives depended on it. Probably because they did.

“It was crazy,” said Phil. “I mean, I’ve had drinks with Scott, and he’s usually a really calm dude. I didn’t think he could shriek like a 10-year-old girl at an N Sync reunion concert.”

Licensed zombie-ologists are still investigating where the undead visitors may have originated from. However, past research has shown that zombies are drawn to especially old buildings, and 25 Maiden Lane is on San Francisco’s Historic Register. Mark Williams, managing partner and co-founder of Mortar, contends the pseudo-humans were after the abnormally large brains of Mortar’s employees, a hypothesis his colleagues widely support.

While no news crews made it to the scene in time, we did secure this footage captured by a group of Norwegian tourists:

 

Mortar’s office was mercilessly ravaged by the pale-faced monsters, leaving it uninhabitable. However, thanks to the wonder of small agency efficiency, the company managed to find a new home over the weekend. Mortar’s new residence is 2 Bryant Street, Suite 210, in San Francisco’s SOMA neighborhood – located across from Red’s Java House and Pier 22 1/2 (zipcode 94105 for those who plan to send love letters). The move comes at an oddly convenient time, since the agency had outgrown its space and was dangerously close to installing bunk-desks.

No Mortar employees were seriously injured in the event, and all are reported to be in stable condition. Allyson Stinchfield, Director of PR and Social Media, did receive a dollop of zombie spit-up in her eye upon asking one of the flesh-eaters if he was Moby.

We like ads that make you think. Ads that don’t blare their message at you through a megaphone. Ads that inspire you to support a cause that was barely on your radar yesterday.

This new campaign from Dentsu Shanghai checks all of the above boxes. The idea is so powerfully simple, you don’t even need to understand the Chinese in the corner (but if you can read it, we wouldn’t mind a hint). We love that each ad tells a story through a single image that’s at once understated and cataclysmic. We will also promptly be returning the polar bear rug we recently purchased for our office lobby. (Just kidding. Too soon?)

The sophisticated-meets-cheeky, political cartoony illustrations hit the nail on the head, magnifying the idiocy of the hunter, and of the entire situation itself.

It’s like JT used to say: What goes around comes back to bite you in the delicate hiney region.

What’s your take on the campaign? (That comments section down there isn’t going to populate itself.)

Via Ads of the World.

Thank you to all who took our survey last month. We’re tickled to learn that some of you actually read (and even enjoy) the crap we write. You gave us some great feedback and ideas, and we’re gonna do our darnedest to incorporate them as we gallop down this golden, blogpost-covered road.

Massive congratulations to Deanna Flores, winner of the $50 Amazon gift card. We can’t wait to see what she buys with it. 25 chip clips? A gently used Chewbacca costume? The possibilities are, in a word, endless.

 

Lots of MortarPR client chatter going on. Westport, miraDry…in some decidedly different types of media.
Let’s round it up Mortarblog! Gameshow! Style!

We’re used to clients having questions. But we’ve never had a client actually BE a question. Until now. Last week, Mortar client miraDry was featured as a question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? (EDITOR’S NOTE  –  Whoa, “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” is still on? Do people still want to be a millionaire? That doesn’t even get us out of the 99% does it? Wouldn’t we still have to watch gameshows with the commoners? Sigh.) Ahem.  What were we saying? Ah, yes. Ordinarily this would be the part where we tell you who miraDry is and what they do, but let’s see if you can figure it out:

Leave your answer in the comments, and we’ll tell you if you’re smarter than Zany Hat Lady here. (She passed on the question.) Something tells us you are.

MEANWHILE, IN BURBANK…

THIS! IS! JEOPARDY!

ALEX TREBEK:
“The category is “Cities That Rhyme With Blue-ston.”  Natural gas engine innovator
Westport was mentioned in the Chronicle – this Texas city’s daily paper. French Stewart?”

FRENCH STEWART:
“The answer, of course, is “onions.” “

ALEX TREBEK:
“What? No! Burt Reynolds?”

BURT REYNOLDS:
“Yeah, whaddaya want?”

ALEX TREBEK:
“Never mind. The correct answer is “Houston.” The Houston Chronicle. You have control of the board.”

BURT REYNOLDS:
“Gimme “The Rain In Spain” for $8,000.”

ALEX TREBEK:
“Good Lord, man! That category is “Train Travel,” and for $400, the question is: “Westport is putting
natural gas-powered trains on the rails according to this City By The Bay’s newspaper.  Mr. Connery.”

SEAN CONNERY:
“Moo.”

ALEX TREBEK:
“That is incorrect. “Moo” is not a city. The correct answer is “San Francisco.” The San Francisco Chronicle.
There were other media mentions of Westport’s role in this groundbreaking new energy movement, but you three are idiots. I hate my life.”

SEAN CONNERY:
“I’ll take “The Pen is Mightier,” Trebek.”

ALEX TREBEK:
“Oh no you won’t.”

Aaaaand that’s all the time we have for now.
If you need a story picked up, get ahold of MortarPR’s Allyson Stinchfield. She’ll put you right out there where everyone can see you.
As for the rest of you?

Here’s a big Dating Game smooch. We’ll see you next time.

 

Allyson Stinchfield’s wardrobe courtesy of Botany 500.