What’s that you say? Our work for Carondelet Health Network won a Gold Addy in the Out-of-Home category? Well, sheesh. We don’t know what to say. Besides a happy, humble thank you. Thank you for this irregularly shaped hunk of Plexiglas that we can’t possibly share among the 17 of us who worked on the campaign. Thank you for filling Jenni and Jonny’s stomachs with free-flowing whiskey, gin, and meatballs at the awards gala. Without your help, there’s no way we could have sat still during that 1.5-hour PowerPoint in a dark room.

45 agencies and individuals submitted nearly 300 entries in this year’s San Francisco competition, and 20 Golds were awarded. We saw a lotta good work in that presentation (though we probably didn’t need to see it three times). Our heartfelt congratulations to all the winners.

Our client Nick at Carondelet was so excited to hear the news, he jumped up and hit “Purchase” on the order of Handerpants that had been idling in his shopping cart for weeks.

Truthfully, we have no idea why Nick bought these. Unless you’re a baby octopus, or you want to draw attention by, say, being featured on your agency’s blog, we can’t think of one defensible reason for purchasing this product. We hope you’re happy, Knickerpants.

Beeteedubs: What kind of bully came up with the name “Addy”? Is that a cruel joke, giving people awards while simultaneously implying that their ads are small, inferior, or (God forbid) adorable? Ohh, look at the cute little Addy! Aren’t you a good boy?  

Just kidding. We’re beaming, on the inside and out.

Jenni, Jonny, and Awards Night Emcee. Remember when Jonny was just an overworked, underappreciated intern whom we almost kicked out onto the streets? It’s hard to believe how far he’s come (not to mention what d-bags we were).

If you’re viewing this job solely as a one-way ticket to fame, stop reading now. We know what you’re plotting. After watching Intern Jonny’s rapid trajectory from measly intern to international heartthrob, you hope such a fate might befall you, too.

Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee an internship at Mortar will land you a spot on The Tonight Show. (We also can’t guarantee that it won’t.) All we’re saying is if you apply to be an intern at Mortar, prepare to be an intern at Mortar. Which means you are flexible, a quick learner, and possess a mind as sharp as a Ginsu knife. You will be asked to wear the administrative hat often and told to move at a pace akin to that of the spotted cheetah. Tasks will be completely owned by the intern, and the right person will know what that means. You will have the opportunity to work on a wide variety of fun projects and witness all the account management, brand strategy, and PR aspects of agency life. You will learn from a fantastic group of talented people who actually like hanging out with each other.

Daily Tasks

1. Traffic Meetings – update traffic list and round up the troops every Monday

2. Staples Orders – monitor all office supplies: paper, ink, paper, ink, the occasional gold paper clip

3.  FedEx Log – purchasing boxes, envelopes and delivering packages as needed

4. ASR/Billing Summaries: bi-weekly updates

5.  Meeting notes and agendas

6.  Keyword Reports – weekly, Monday mornings

7.  Reception duties; answer all Mortar general calls

8.  Printing, scanning, filing financial documents

9.  Putting together presentations, case studies, etc.

10.  Any and all client meeting prep

11.  Support senior staff (scheduling and organizing)

Desired Skills & Experience

Whew! What a crazy wild whirlwind these last two weeks were. Jonny had an audition for Glee, a photo shoot in Bali, and dinner at Zooey Deschanel’s house. Our intern’s newfound popularity has got him so booked, we may need to hire another intern to do the stuff Lil’ Jonny used to do.

Now that life at Mortar has returned to some level of sanity, we finally have time to blog about how supremely successful the Save Jonny campaign was. We reached 500 followers in 6 days – 18 days before our target date. That’s like getting an A+ when you were sure you were headed for a D. And the numbers are still growing.

The press loved Jonny, proving we’re not the only ones who want to pinch those cheeks.

And it turns out that’s not all the press loves about us. Business Insider just named Mortar’s website one of the 13 most unforgettable sites in the industry.

Aww, shucks. You shouldn’t have. But we’re glad you did.

This is a puppy.

This is Jonathan the Intern.

Like a puppy, he is disgustingly adorable. Also like most puppies, he was unemployed two short months ago. And this cutie bombalootie may find himself jobless again soon if he doesn’t get your help. It would be a shame to lose him, since he’s so polite and clean-cut.

You know that soup kitchen you’ve been meaning to volunteer at? Here’s a good deed you can do without lifting your lazy hindquarters. What the hell are we talking about?