Inspired by the truly inane (but no doubt true) posts of actual idotic agency and client comments on Adverbatims.com we are pleased to announce our new puzzler.

Send in your inane agency and client messages and the winner will receive, yes you guessed it, $50 in Fandango tickets. Contest starts now. And it closes a week from today. Judging will be by an independent party, most probably not me but definitely a Mortar employee.

To get you started here are a few choice items from Adverbatims:

“They loved it but the want to change the pictures, headline and design.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

“Can you ask the announcer to produce a whispering scream?”
(Client, Area Manager, during the recording of a radio spot)

“POS? What the fuck is that, another word you made up?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

“Make it wild but conservative!”
(Agency, Account Executive, to Art Director)

“Before negotiating something, I practice in the shower“
(Client, Marketing Assistant)

“There’s an X crossing the photo. When you send me the final art, it’s not going to be there, is it?”
(Client, Area Manager)

“Can you change the word ‘exquisite’ on the ad? Words including the letter X are way too complicated.”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

“It’s amazing how well you interpreted the brief. This piece is exactly
what we wanted, you could not have made it any better, I love it. But I
also think it’s too good. This is for a bigger client, a more
international one. We’re not like that. See if you can do something
shittier that we can use.”
(Client, same Marketing Manager)

“This is a picture of how I want the ad. I had to draw it in a napkin.”
(Client, same Marketing Manager)

And my absolute favorite:

"You’re going to rape every piece of crap on the shelf.”
(Client, Marketing Assistant, optimist about a colleague’s future product launch)

Enter your entries below or email them to me.