Seems like no matter where we go, we can't seem to avoid "news" about a certain "sports icon" who has now tainted our mailbox and is now the cover of Vanity Fair this month.

Needless to say, we are underwhelmed with this editorial decision. We are not into beating dead horses- or any animal for that matter. So let us tell you about some REAL sports news, hot off the press:

Though you know we are all about Team America, we must admit the U.S. is somewhat of a 'late bloomer' in many ways:

• comprehensive health care
• Soccer
• The metric system

and now, Lawn Bowls.

To remedy this, we've just begun PR work for the US Lawn Bowls Association in order to help the sport gain some visibility in the U.S., a nation under the spell of that highly irritating but oddly attractive NFL robot.

Oh-kay,  so Lawn Bowls doesn't have a bot, and that might have be on our to-do list. But the sport is enjoying a huge international renaissance, gaining popularity in Japan, and ESPN Magazine just gave Michael Siddall, reigning US Champ, a nice mention December's issue. 

Check and Mate, Tiger.

But did you know:

• There are over 100 clubs in the USA? (And probably one near you)
• That the 2009 Men's National Champ is also a Lutheran Minister?
• It was invented by the ancient Egyptians and brought to America in 1632?
• Sir Francis Drake was an avid player?
• 14 year old Joshua Burnowski is the youngest competing player in the US?
• That playing a game of Lawn Bowls is as healthy as a session of yoga?
• It's incredibly fun and easy to learn, but equally difficult to master?
• You can watch  'Lawn Bowls 101' video here?

We didn't think so.

Lucky for Mortar, San Francisco has the OLDEST turf in country, and we've has already drafted a crisis communications document apologizing for any and all incidents heretofore that may occur on the greens as a result of the Mortar Agency, LLC.

Check out the official release and while your at it, Become a fan of Lawn Bowls in the USA on Facebook.

If Borat can do it, so can you.